“what is the most annoying thing that someone could do to you?” (5/7/08)

Repeatedly ask the same dumb question! Next!

“what irritating thing can you do with a pen” (5/6/08)

How about write the lyrics to “December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night)”?

“son of a bitch club” (5/5/08)

You don’t by any chance mean S.O.B’s, do you? That’s as in “Sounds of Brazil” . . .

“marv albert threesom with a guy?” (5/5/08)

Uh . . . I’m good, thanks. Maybe some other time.

“medical reason for urine to smell fishy” (5/4/08)

I see this is important. Please disregard my earlier post and let me be clearer in pointing you in the right direction . . .

“fishy urine” (5/4/08)

Ew. Double ew.

“czech sex morale” (5/4/08)

If I were to guess, low in the waning days of communism, then a spike after 1989, with numbers flattening since.

“is it possible to walk the east side of manhattan?” (5/4/08)

Thanks to sidewalks, generously provided by the city, this is in fact possible.

“do you crap your pants after o before you have a heart attack?” (5/4/08)

It of course depends on how badly your heart has been broken.

“what comes out of pores when meth detox purple” (5/2/08)

Ew . . . sucks to be you . . .

“who played at the paramount theatre on staten island” (5/2/08)

Mission of Burma’s last show before reforming 19 years later was at the Paramount in 1983.

“what word and structure you ask customer relations to a job as waiter” (5/2/08)

Then again, communication skills are not absolutely necessary. What’s more important is that you’re, first and foremost, hot.

“top 10 reason downsides to giving employees too much verbal praise” (5/2/08)

Please, please, go back in your hole.

“how far is louis armstrong’s house in queens from wellington hotel on 55th street” (4/30/08)

7.2 miles.

“can i park at a no standing on a fire zone ?” (4/30/08)

If you want a $115 ticket (with an additional $15 New York State Criminal Justice surcharge) then sure, go right ahead!

“ladies piddling” (4/29/08)

It still is what it is!

“how to say your pants are on fire in french” (4/28/08)

But I think it’s something along the lines of: “Votre pantalon sont en feu.”

De rien.

“bridge and tunnel crowd fuck you” (4/28/08)

Well. OK then . . .

“konstantin a waiter at the trastevere restaurant in hollywood california” (4/27/08)

What if I told you I had his email?

“significado de shoot the freak!” (4/27/08)

¿Qué quiere decir? Es genial!

“different views of stachu of liberty” (4/26/08)

And if you look closely, you can just make out her Fu Manchu moustache . . .

“is rockaway park queens ghetto?” (4/26/08)

Queens is a box of chocolates, Forrest — you never know what you’re gonna get . . .

“what to do if busser isnt getting fair share from waiter” (4/23/08)

Simple: Have your friends wait outside the restaurant and club him on the knee so he can’t work for a week or two, then suggest to the manager that you fill in for him.

“woman fucking dogs had” (4/22/08)

Goodie, I never get to play Mad Libs anymore! How about:

• woman fucking dogs had two mutts to handle!
• woman fucking dogs had a “ruff” time!
• woman fucking dogs had [insert your own here]!

“i want to do rude stuff with or to your bottom” (4/22/08)

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

“i will jump in a garbage truck diapers” (4/22/08)

Hells yeah you will!

“crap your suit pants stories” (4/21/08)

There seems to be a fetish in there somewhere . . .

“did george steinbrenner insult pope benedict ?” (4/21/08)

Depends on what your definition of an insult is . . . there was this:

Pope Benedict XVI’s three days in New York pose logistical challenges beyond making sure that he’s safe.

Among other things, organizers had to widen some footpaths for the popemobile, figure out how to distribute Holy Communion to 57,000 people and teach schoolkids to sing “Happy Birthday” in German.

They also had to promise to keep the pope and everybody else off the grass at Yankee Stadium.

“The Yankees had only one request, and that is that we not touch their grass,” said Mark Ackermann, who is running the Office of the Papal Visit for the New York archdiocese. “The All-Star game will be there this year and of course we’re all confident that the World Series will be there as well. So the Yankees need to keep it in good shape and we’ve been most respectful of that.”

“suck on my pen” (4/15/08)

Quill or ballpoint? And why would you want that?

“song you sing to prove your not drunk” (4/14/08)

. . . because it’s a trick question!

“bisexuals exist” (4/13/08)

Yeah, yeah, whatever you say . . .

“what is the most important bridge” (4/9/08)

Whichever one you’re on!

“how do i submit menus to bridge and tunnel club” (4/9/08)

Googling the answer won’t do it . . . but since you asked, we only put menus up from places we’ve actually eaten at . . . but email us to tell us where you are — maybe we’ll visit!

“what percentage of americans make 200000″ (4/9/08)

About 2.67 percent.

“earth can’t win the game but it must not lose” (4/8/08)

I think you mean “nature,” as in Jung’s quote, “Nature must not win the game, but she cannot lose.” But the earth needs to be slapped down a little, I agree.

“why does black stuff come out of my pores in the sauna?” (4/8/08)

Ew . . . please . . . not here!

“beat the mets beat the mets step right up and” (4/8/08)

Poor Mets, losing the last ever home opener at Shea . . .

“i m desperate and lonely” (4/8/08)

Aw . . . boo hoo . . .

“how to lead a passover seder” (4/7/08)

Oh, man — if you don’t know by know . . .

“chop shop insurance director of security at a city hospital” (4/7/08)

I like it . . . a director of security at a city hospital conspires with doctors to have their cars stolen for insurance money . . . get back to me with a treatment!