“is it legal to swipe in a friend after waiting 18 minutes unlimited metrocard” (6/9/09)

Yes! This is important to understand, and was explained in a recent Times article:

Selling a swipe on a MetroCard is illegal and can get you arrested. Bending a MetroCard’s magnetic strip to fool the turnstile into letting you through is also a form of theft.

But letting a friend or a relative use your unlimited-ride MetroCard when you are not using it is perfectly legal, as long as you don’t charge for it, said Paul J. Fleuranges, an authority spokesman. (The card allows only one entry every 18 minutes.)

Mr. Fleuranges said it is also legal to help out a stranger who asks you, as a favor, to swipe him through a turnstile free as you are leaving a subway station — although it certainly deprives New York City Transit of a fare.

“sexy bangladeshi girl in astoria queens new york” (3; 6/3/09)
“bangladeshi sexy girl in astoria queens new york” (6/3/09)

I’m sure she’s out there, my friend . . .

“your friend asks the waiter for a double double you are confused but the waiter knows what your friend wants what is a double double?” (6/1/09)

Were you by any chance dining at an In-N-Out?

“is tilapia supposed to smell fishy” (5/31/09)

No, but TILAPIA EAT POOP!

“is giving a tip to a waiter a sin” (5/28/09)

. . . when it’s “just the tip,” then yes. Otherwise, feel free to tip away.

“we both have fucked up pasts lyrics” (4/24/09)

But unless you go for “Thong Song” most people won’t listen to the lyrics, so choose at your heart’s content.

“is corn beef pork” (4/22/09)

Because the Google is a safe environment in which there are no stupid questions, I will tell you — with neither snark nor scorn — that, no, corned beef is not pork. It is beef, specifically brisket.

“empire state building height in mm and in yards” (4/21/09)

Something tells me this will either be A) good to know, for some reason or B) helpful for lazy math students. So here goes.

According to Wikipedia, the Empire State Building is 1453 feet and 8 9/16 inches tall. 1453 feet is 442,874.4 millimeters and 8.5625 inches is 217.487 millimeters, so we’re talking [quick calculation] 443091.887 millimeters.

1453.53515625 feet divided by three equals 484.51171875 yards or 4 (4.03759765625, to be exact) football fields, including end zones.

“big boobs in astoria ny” (4/21/09)

. . . but Queens has charms of its own.

“puplic woman bathroom in subway station she shit fast” (3 times; 4/21/09)

Wouldn’t you do it quickly if you were in a subway station bathroom?

“the new yankee stadium sucks” (4/15/09)

Sorry to hear that . . . and to think they haven’t even opened it yet!

“what is ramon estevez doing now?” (4/13/09)

Let’s see . . . I don’t think he’s a manager at Best Buy. Filmwise, looks like not much. Ramon, tell your agent to call us and fill us in and we’ll pass along the info.

“www.fuck latke.pk” (4/13/09)

I don’t know what it means, and it could go in a lot of different directions that I’m not sure I want it to go, but you’ve got my attention . . .

“how to find out if my neighbor is a pervert lacey township nj” (4/8/09)

You want to see something funny? Googling “know your neighbors” (with or without quotes) takes you to the Family Watchdog website, a “national sex offender registry” not associated with the government.

“can you bake with flour for seder?” (4/6/09)

You’re kidding, right?

But since there are of course no stupid questions at SROTD, see here.

“is it ok to have a passover seder by yourself” (4/6/09)

Yes, but how do you hide the afikomen?

(This makes me want to cry . . .)

“how do u get the bottom thing back on if it not there” (4/6/09)

When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.

“does mermaids exist?” (3/30/09)

Yes, it’s there — at 270 Lake Street in Reno. At least four Yelp users highly recommend it.

“vidos.of.making.sue.your.pants.are.clean.you.tube” (3/30/09)

Is.separating.search.terms.with.periods.some.kind.of.new.search.method.or.something? If.so.what.are.the.benefits?

“i’m an artistic hipster college grad should i move to williamsburg or montreal?” (3/26/09)

Magic 8-Ball says “Outlook not so good.”

“sniff foot party” (3/26/09)

Is it my Nancy Sinatra album? Is it the odor eaters in my desert boots?

“celebrity ankles” (3/25/09)

There is a fetish — and a fetish website — for everything.

“drinks needed to know to bartend an older crowd” (3/23/09)

Two words for you: Wine. Spritzer.

“gang initiations at east coast walmart chain stores” (3/19/09)

It’s just a hoax, man!

“is there a sack in the turkey you have to pull out?” (3/18/09)

Yes . . . now please find it!

Gotta love that corned beef . . . (all 3/16/09)

“boiling corned beef” (11)

“corned beef side dishes” (7)

“side dishes for corned beef” (3)

“corn beef side dishes” (2)

“corn beef and side dishes” (2)

“pre seasoned corned beef” (2)

“sides for corned beef” (2)

“corned beef” (2)

“boiling a corned beef”

“side dishes for corned beef?”

“st patrick’s day corned beef marinade”

“boil corn beef?”

“what are good side dishes for corn beef?”

“marinate corned beef”

“grey corned beef”

“how to boil corned beef easily”

“corned beef not boiled”

“corned beef sides”

“boiled gray conred beef and cabbage”

“corned beef parsley”

“corned beef marinade”

“side dish for corned beef”

“corn beef super market”

“history of corned beef”

“how much corned beef”

“corn beef marinade”

“corned beef already marinated”

“how to cook an excellent corned beef”

“corn beef side dish”

“wellshire corn beef”

“what is a loud bridge and tunnel chick?” (1/31/09)

. . . you know it when you see it.

“what does the borough president do” (1/31/09)

[Insert tired joke here]

“noel biderman a jew?” (1/30/09)

“roger barnett billionaire jewish” (1/30/09)

“randy levine jew” (1/31/09)

Three and it’s a trend. Ah, the cesspool that is the web . . .

“how can talk a waiter with his customer in english” (1/30/09)

As long as you get our take-out order right, we don’t really have to talk at all . . .

“which school on staten island do italian girls go to?” (1/30/09)

But that’s probably not the case here.

“russell crowe steroids” (1/30/09)

‘Roid Rage? Unfortunately there’s no web-based evidence to back this theory.

“watch me naked” (1/29/09)

I don’t know what about me screams “watch me naked” but whatever . . .

“jerk off onto food” (1/29/09)

Whoa! Stop it right there, buddy — now that just crosses a line . . .

“jack bauer joins mossad” (1/28/09)

“dont hire marty garins” (1/26/09)

Any context? No? OK . . .

“glenn lowry or glenn d lowry or glenn david lowry tishman speyer or jerry speyer or jerry i speyer or denis severis” (1/26/09)

Lowry and Speyer are linked through MoMA (Lowry is the museum’s director and Speyer is the chairman of the museum’s board), but who is Denis Severis?

“joel klein and wnet celebration 2006″ (1/26/09)

In my Walter Mitty-like fantasy world, I uncover clues in the search referrer logs. Like, Is there something we should know about what Joel Klein said during a WNET PBS “Celebration of Teaching and Learning” video back in 2006?

But more likely, it’s probably nothing . . .

“how hot are baruch university girls” (1/22/09)

Duh — all the CUNYs have smokin’ babes . . .

“do not want to have a big birthday people annoying me” (1/22/09)

. . . but one day that crazy old bat will probably snap.

“i hate the elderly” (1/21/09)

And in general the elderly hates impudent little snotnoses who cocoon themselves on the interweb.