And Uh, Bridges, News And, Well . . . Booty!

“news on bridges current bridge events booty yelled” (2/6/08)

What’s another name for pirate treasure?

How Not To Search

“information about california governor u.s boring states bording ocean bording country population famous bridge famous observatory famous cinema city famous tree” (2/6/08)

The boring states, the famous trees . . . it’s all in there.

An Immutable Characteristic Of Their Sex

“why women like to smell pungent thing” (2/5/08)

Just keep telling yourself that they “like” it . . .

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With It . . .

“is bobby knight gay?” (2/5/08)

Don’t think so. He’s twice married with two sons. Maybe the bright red sweater fooled you?

How Would You Feel Knowing Your Home Was Taken In Order To Build The Largest Suspension Bridge In The World (Until 1981, At Least)?

“how did people living in fort hamilton feel about losing their homes to the building of the verrazano bridge?” (2/5/08)

Chuffed, I’m sure.

But Is It Really So Wrong? Is It?

“is it wrong to take items from a restaurant table?” (2/4/08)

No, not at all — after all, it’s not like you’re stealing or anything. And while we’re at it, if you decide you don’t like your meal, feel free to walk out without paying.

Run Screaming Into Traffic And Hope Death Comes Quickly

“what to do if you get scotch bonnet in your eyes?” (2/4/08)

Actually, just calmly remove them, soak them in milk overnight and scrub out the inside of the eyelids to remove remaining capsaicin.

What, Do I Look Like Fucking Rupert Holmes Now?

“how long do you blend a pina colada” (2/4/08)

Uh, until it’s mixed?

J’ai Vu New York, New York U.S.A.!

“what did you expect in the new york before you came here?” (2/4/08)

A cross between J.J. Hunsecker and Monica Geller, I suppose. With bagels and pizza. And much corned beef. And saxophones. So, so many saxophones.

The Long Arm Of Dr. Z

“dr zizmor thank you for improving my face!” (2/3/08)

Get the hell out of my site stats, Zizmor — my face still looks like poop.

And You’re Telling Me This Why?

“flushing tampons leak at the overflow pipe downstairs neighbor” (2/2/08)

Maybe suggest they try the DivaCup?

If You’re Gonna Play The Game, Boy, Ya Gotta Learn To Play It Right

“why do people play poker?” (2/2/08)

The hats and sunglasses. Definitely.

Who Let The Blogs Out?

“dog fucking blogs” (2/2/08)

Three of the most annoying people combined into one: dog lovers, zoophiles and the self-obsessed.

Everything From The 1980s Is Back In Fashion In The Expensive Areas Of Brooklyn

“williamsburg cocaine” (2/1/08)

I guess plans for hipsters to cut back on their blow consumption in 2008 have failed.

Bad Dog

“rhodesian ridgeback swallowed my underwear” (2/1/08)

Slightly less believable than the dog eating your homework . . .

It Doesn’t Cancel The Prediction If The Groundhog Is Hungover

“road trip alcohol groundhog day punxsutawney” (2/1/08)

And for the love of Phil, please don’t drink and drive!

It’s What Researchers Are Working On To Eliminate Unseemly Cat Coughs

“famous doed hairball technology slide” (2/1/08)

But really that’s just a guess . . .

Hamotzi Lechem Min Ha Subway . . .

“how many miles of subway track has new york goy” (2/1/08)

Impossible in a city with a Jewish population of 1 million . . .

Here’s What It Looks Like When The Librarian Happens To Look Over Your Shoulder

“historical maps and atlas with topless bodies” (2/1/08)

Huh?

To Start, It Has Nothing To Do With When Or How To Make The Donuts

“what is that digital clock in union square?” (1/31/08)

It’s called “The Metronome” and it was done by Kristin Jones and Andrew Ginzel in 1999.

I Didn’t Know Anything Was Wrong With Her . . .

“how is east williamsburg?” (1/31/08)

She’s doing very well, thank you.

Why? What For?

“testicles” (1/31/08)

What Axl (And K-Fed!) Hath Wrought

“white men with cornrows” (1/31/08)

It looks horrible, I agree.

But How Will He Feel Knowing That You Found His Name On Google?

“catchy names for a male parakeet” (1/31/08)

“Tweety” not good enough for you? “Keeter Sutherland”?