Pile On, Pile On

“did eliot spizter ever wear a dress years ago” (3/11/08)

Obviously! Especially if he was bedding trannies.

Just Asking . . .

“masturbating while parked in your own car and charged for lewdness is considerd what degree of misdeameanor if found guilty” (3/11/08)

. . . just asking for a friend, that is.

The Dirty Rough Empire Of Eliot Spitzer

“eliot spitzer dirty rough empire prostitute” (3/11/08)

I suppose they’re trying to figure out what constituted “unsafe” practices on the part of the soon-to-be-former governor?

No, Not Even — It Was Actually A Child Prostitution Sting!

“gov elliott spitzer snagged in trannie prostitution charge” (3/11/08)

Wishful thinking . . . I think the facts are a little different.

Why, You Looking To See If Someone Has Beat Your Record, Buddy?

“genis book of world records most seman in ass” (3/11/08)

Oh, please — what are you, like 12 or something? Everyone knows it’s spelled “Guinness” . . .

How Should I Know? Ask “Kristen”!

“elliot spitzer shirtless” (3/11/08)

Ew! Why?

Don’t Say That To The Bridge — It May Cry

“derogatory name for the williamsburg bridge” (3/8/08)

“That piece of shit old bridge”? Or maybe you were thinking of something else?

Things You Don’t Want Your Friends And Family Googling Include . . .

“anal stretching kirk johnson” (3/8/08)

I wonder if Dr. Johnson is rethinking that conference paper?

Keep The U.S. Out Of My Condiments!

“laws governing the production and sale of hot sauce in nyc” (3/8/08)

Fortunately, not yet — as far as we know!

Service At Peter Luger Schlagging?

“does peter lugers hire waiters?” (3/7/08)

No, they hire crusty old men they find loitering next to the SRO down the street.

Greenpoint . . . Robbery . . . Trend?

“bank robbery at hsbc in greenpoint brooklyn on march 7 2008″ (3/7/08)

Update (3/17/08): Did the thief google himself?

But In Canada They’re Just Called “Billboards”

“canadian billboards are great !!!” (3/7/08)

Since when?

Maybe You Can Also Explain Why My Fish Smells Like Dick . . . Asshat

“my dick smells fishy” (3/6/08)

Ugh. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

MADD’s Next Campaign To Feature Dangers Of Drinking And Standing On Bridges

“i can’t believ they’re drinking jack daniels and coke with no ice on a bridge” (3/5/08)

What’s the issue? I mean, if the bridge has no ice . . .

On The Existential Nature Of Close Bridges . . .

“what bridge is closest to staten island?” (3/4/08)

How close do you want to get? Maybe rephrase the question and get back to us?

But Things Got A Lot Worse When She Tried To Wear The Lawnmower On Her Head . . .

“the woman who mistook her husband for a lawnmower sachs” (3/4/08)

I think you’re thinking of a different title . . .

Seems More Trouble Than It’s Worth . . .

“batting cage token fraud counterfeit” (3/3/08)

Donovan Knows His Way Around The Internet!

“marijuana makes me sing fucked up songs” (3/3/08)

Can’t DARPA Somehow Create A Red-Light District For The Web?

“cesarean pornography galleries” (3/2/08)

Please, please tell me you’re joking . . .

The American Spit Take

“jonathan schwartz wnyc mouth sounds wet” (3/1/08)

Does it get any better? Does it? I don’t know!

What Neil LaBute Hath Wrought

“craigslist.com fucking cock single woman deaf” (3/1/08)

Look, this is the second time I’ve seen this one and I just want you to know that I’m not happy about it . . .

Cock Your Kilt — Angles Are Attitudes

“i am getting married in scotland and want a sinatra style band” (3/1/08)

[Takes long swig from glass] “You treat a lady like a dame, and a dame like a lady . . .”

The Other Largest Snow Record: “Informer” (1993), 12 Inches

“largest snowfall ever record ever” (2/29/08)

In North America, it was Mount Shasta from February 13-19, 1959 when 189 inches fell.

Exclusive: An Inside Look At Christopher Hitchens’ Next Column

“statistics proving men like video games more than women” (2/29/08)

Maybe check here.

An Electroneroticist?

“what a person is called if they ave a sexual fetish for electronics” (2/29/08)

How about just David Pogue?