Perhaps You Thought New Yorkers Were Stylish?

“limited edition yankees crocs” (6/26/08)

They’ll look great sitting in the closet next to my Mets Uggs.

6 Train To Astor Place, Walk East One Block

“how do i get to st marks place in the village?” (6/26/08)

Welcome, seasonal visitors!

Googling From The Loading Dock

“how many chickens fit on a tractor trailer” (6/25/08)

I don’t know — are we talking free-range levels or clown-car levels?

Ack! You Boob! I Haven’t Gotten Through All Those DVDs Yet!

“carrie and big kiss on a bridge in paris what is the name of the bridge?” (6/24/08)

It’s the Pont des Arts.

On Travelling With Djembe, That Seat Hog

“air travel with djembe should i loosen skin?” (6/22/08)

As far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re not bringing anthrax into the country you can do whatever the hell you want with your djembe.

This Is Your Idea Of Sweet Talk?

“i can see you you left your hair undone i can feel you” (6/18/08)

Ew! Creep!

And Tell Me Again Who Exactly Is Buried In Grant’s Tomb?

“how big is a 1/4 section?” (6/18/08)

Um, at the risk of sounding obvious here . . .

The Official Charge, As I Understand It, Is “Harshing Garrison Keillor’s Mellow”

“what are you charged with when caught doing graffitti in minneapolis” (6/18/08)

Punishable by five to ten years of Prairie Home Companion reruns. You will never look at a Bebop-A-Reebop Rhubarb Pie the same way, sucker.

There’s A Fetish For Everyone

“staten island girl naked” (6/18/08)

Something with the Goethals Bridge in the background, mayhaps?

Who Wants To Know?

“where does comptroller bill thompson play golf” (6/18/08)

Why, do you think there is something untoward about that new deal or something?

Traffic Backed Up On The SIE Or Something?

“staten island nasty people” (6/11/08)

“staten island douche bags” (6/11/08)

“staten island gutter cleaning” (6/11/08)

What’s going on in Staten Island?

OMG, The Pokemon Handlers Are So 1998

“macy’s balloon handler blog” (6/11/08)

People must think there is a blog for everything.

And of course there is.

Perry Mason, Atticus Finch . . . And You Staring At A Computer

“why did i go to law school” (6/11/08)

What, you mean it wasn’t to hone your “find and replace” word processing skills for seven years until you don’t make partner?

How About When They Leak?

“annoying thing pens?” (6/10/08)

Or when your boss comes in and takes yours, then starts to chew on it. Both are annoying.

Do I Have To Tell You Everything?

“how much is the toll charge for new jersey turnpike exit 16w through exit 4″ (6/10/08)

Find it here. Answer: $4.55 cash or EZ-Pass (peak hours), $3.40 EZ-Pass (off-peak).

Don’t Forget Your EZ-Ass

“sex whitestone bridge” (6/10/08)

Is there a worse bridge to have sex on? I can’t think of one.

Right Up The Ol’ Inkwell

“pen in ass” (6/7/08)

There are so many wonderful things human culture has given us, why stop there?

First The Film Industry, Now This?

“bobby genovese crime family toronto” (6/6/08)

Maybe they should enact a tax credit to lure them back — we’re losing face here!

On Objects Of The Inanimate Variety

“do restaurants spit in your food” (6/2/08)

Unless restaurants miraculously developed the capacity to salivate, I think not.

Where Do You Think We Are, Saudi Arabia?

“can a woman become a bar back and bartender” (6/2/08)

As we know from Senator Clinton’s groundbreaking campaign for the Democratic nomination, a woman can be whatever she wants to be!

Times Were So Tough That People Were Trying To Redeem Every Little Thing Of Value, No Matter What The Cost

“moving out of ny and want refund for unused metrocard” (6/1/08)

I don’t know — try Craig’s List? Ebay?

I Suppose Then You’ll Feel Like You Have Carte Blanche To Tap It, Too?

“entitled to tap ass” (6/1/08)

Not on our watch, you won’t. Fascist.

Existential Quandary Of The Day

“who is they?” (5/31/08)

“They” are those who insinuate their they-ness in culture, politics and good taste; they are omnipotent arbiters of all there is to know; they oppress; we are oppressed by them; that is who “they” are.