“my 5 year old got suspended for verbal harassment” (11/24/08) Sorry to hear it — maybe there’s a problem with adults, too . . .

“why are there so many goddamn fire trucks on beekman place in brooklyn” (11/24/08) Not sure — anyone?

“what temperature should i take turkey out” (11/23/08) Read Joy of Cooking, go easy on the breast, remember that the internal temperature will rise 5 to 10 degrees after it comes out of the over.

“should i take the turkey out now” (11/23/08) Yes, yes, now! Oh wait — we’re still several days away, aren’t we?

“when should i throw out my turkey?” (11/23/08) I usually throw mine out when it repeatedly ignores curfew, or if I find that it has stolen my jewelry to buy meth.

“who invented work?” (11/22/08) Pol Pot. Adolf Hitler. Benjamin Franklin. Work has a thousand fathers.

“how to cook spinach and it not be watery” (11/22/08) Try the barbecue?

“why were the pilgrims unable to catch any fish?” (11/22/08) I think they were all loaded on beer.

“what do you know about the roosevelt avenue bridge” (11/22/08) Not a lot, to be honest.

“what bus goes to sizzler on forest hills” (11/22/08) The Q54 from either Williamsburg, Brooklyn or Jamaica, Queens or the Q23 that runs straight to East Elmhurst, right by LaGuardia (convenient!).