Children Of The Corn II Must Have Been On Cable Or Something This Weekend . . .

“terrance knox what is he doing now” (12/28/08)

I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him yourself?

We’ll Take Positive Comments Where We Can Get Them

“you are the best better then all the rest” (12/21/08)

Thanks, Mom!

Search Referrer Jeopardy

named for its yipping sound what member of the squirrel family lives in underground networks of tunnels called towns? (12/21/08)

What is the prairie dog. I’ll stick with “Squirrel-Like Rodents” for $400, Alex . . .

Sounds Like It Could Be A Movie . . .

“three american boys go prison for killing a man by pushin a hot dog cart down subway stairs” (12/20/08)

Wait — that is a movie!

Our Dumb Contrarian Decade

“what’s so good about a suspension bridge” (12/18/08)

The cynicism of these people! Turning their backs on engineering even!

Let’s Agree To Disagree

“i want to know everything about dye” (12/17/08)

And I can’t think of a more boring topic.

Hang On, Chupi, Chupi, Hang On

“what does chupi mean?” (12/16/08)

I’m pretty sure it’s Fake Italian for something unmentionable that happens to Julian Schnabel in the neighborhood near West 11th Street.

Poor Tina Turner

“simply the best better then the old the rest” (12/16/08)

Hey, when you’re 69 why don’t you run around a stage for two hours in three-inch heels . . .

More Trouble In 2009

“where to buy exploding dye packs” (12/16/08)

Banks gearing up for an increase in robberies . . .

OK, OK — Don’t Rush Me!

“the 3 main bridges of new york!!!!!!!!” (12/15/08)

Picking just three “main” bridges is difficult in a city with so many bridges — over 2,000 total, 76 over water, more than 1,000 on land, blah, blah, blah — but maybe you’re thinking of the Manhattan, Brooklyn and Williamsburg Bridges?

That’s One Way To Put It

“news of rapers in brooklyn” (12/15/08)

Maybe try the Brooklyn Raper, er, I mean, Brooklyn Paper?

Advice? You’ve Come To The Right Place!

“i slept with him on the first date now what do i do?” (12/14/08)

In order of preference:

• Surely don’t beat yourself up — giving a young man sex on the first date is a very generous thing to do, especially during the holiday season and especially during this fraught economic climate
• Call him up — you should have done this before Sunday Night Football, but at any rate, do it today! — for a second date
• Marry him . . . duh!

You Know What They Say About Astronomers . . .

“fuck girl in aas” (12/13/08)

Someone in the American Astronomical Society? That’s weird. But it’s your fetish — whatever.

Talk About Redundant!

“sex staten” (12/4/08)

Simple. Straightforward. I like it.

Is This Information For You Or “A Friend”?

“if a bartender is an alcoholic should he work behind a bar” (12/4/08)

Depends. Sam Malone generally did OK with it, so why not?

A Cruise On The Ferry, The Zoo, A Stroll Through The Mall And . . .

“hard to believe that there are not woman out there who would not like to spend time an afternnoon having fun sex in staten island” (12/3/08)

Yes, I agree — it’s so so hard to fathom that one . . .

What, WebMD Not Good Enough For You?

“what happens after a failed uterine ablation” (12/2/08)

Golly . . . I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good.

Philosophical Question Of The Day

“what point does going under a bridge become going through a tunnel” (12/2/08)

Good one.

Why Queens Remains Gloriously Unhip (Exhibit A)

“ugss on austin street in forest hills” (11/30/08)

They’re worn there . . . and likely sold there.

A Frustration Dream Of The Highest Order

“what does it mean when i dream i was the worst waiter ever” (11/30/08)

Add to the fact that you failed as a server and you can see where in the depths of your psyche this type of frustration dream is headed.