Someone’s Trying To Figure Out Their First Dance For An Upcoming Wedding!

“we both have fucked up pasts lyrics” (4/24/09)

But unless you go for “Thong Song” most people won’t listen to the lyrics, so choose at your heart’s content.

The Other Brined Meat

“is corn beef pork” (4/22/09)

Because the Google is a safe environment in which there are no stupid questions, I will tell you — with neither snark nor scorn — that, no, corned beef is not pork. It is beef, specifically brisket.

Which Also Is To Say, If You Stacked 819581.13973206487416186291503742 Empire State Buildings End To End, You Would Reach The Moon

“empire state building height in mm and in yards” (4/21/09)

Something tells me this will either be A) good to know, for some reason or B) helpful for lazy math students. So here goes.

According to Wikipedia, the Empire State Building is 1453 feet and 8 9/16 inches tall. 1453 feet is 442,874.4 millimeters and 8.5625 inches is 217.487 millimeters, so we’re talking [quick calculation] 443091.887 millimeters.

1453.53515625 feet divided by three equals 484.51171875 yards or 4 (4.03759765625, to be exact) football fields, including end zones.

Staten Island May Be The Borough With The Biggest Balls Of Them All . . .

“big boobs in astoria ny” (4/21/09)

. . . but Queens has charms of its own.

And In Other News, The Cure’s Robert Smith Turned 50 Yesterday

“puplic woman bathroom in subway station she shit fast” (3 times; 4/21/09)

Wouldn’t you do it quickly if you were in a subway station bathroom?

Admit It!

“the new yankee stadium sucks” (4/15/09)

Sorry to hear that . . . and to think they haven’t even opened it yet!

Two And A Half Actors . . .

“what is ramon estevez doing now?” (4/13/09)

Let’s see . . . I don’t think he’s a manager at Best Buy. Filmwise, looks like not much. Ramon, tell your agent to call us and fill us in and we’ll pass along the info.

The First Two Words I Understand But The Last One’s Something Different

“www.fuck latke.pk” (4/13/09)

I don’t know what it means, and it could go in a lot of different directions that I’m not sure I want it to go, but you’ve got my attention . . .

Time Was, You’d Get To Know Your Neighbors And Simply Ask Them If They Were Perverts

“how to find out if my neighbor is a pervert lacey township nj” (4/8/09)

You want to see something funny? Googling “know your neighbors” (with or without quotes) takes you to the Family Watchdog website, a “national sex offender registry” not associated with the government.

Unless There’s Some Sort Of New “Ultra-Reform” Branch Of Judiasm I Don’t Know About . . .

“can you bake with flour for seder?” (4/6/09)

You’re kidding, right?

But since there are of course no stupid questions at SROTD, see here.

And Here You Assumed That The Ramifications Of “Bowling Alone” Were Mitigated By Applications Like Facebook

“is it ok to have a passover seder by yourself” (4/6/09)

Yes, but how do you hide the afikomen?

(This makes me want to cry . . .)

Quickly As You Can, Snatch The Pebble From My Hand

“how do u get the bottom thing back on if it not there” (4/6/09)

When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.