“limited edition yankees crocs” (6/26/08)
They’ll look great sitting in the closet next to my Mets Uggs.

“sex whitestone bridge” (6/10/08)
Is there a worse bridge to have sex on? I can’t think of one.

“pen in ass” (6/7/08)
There are so many wonderful things human culture has given us, why stop there?

“song you sing to prove your not drunk” (4/14/08)
. . . because it’s a trick question!

“elliot spitzer shirtless” (3/11/08)
Ew! Why?

“laws governing the production and sale of hot sauce in nyc” (3/8/08)
Fortunately, not yet — as far as we know!

“i am getting married in scotland and want a sinatra style band” (3/1/08)
[Takes long swig from glass] “You treat a lady like a dame, and a dame like a lady . . .”

“four yuppies take a road trip through a small town where they arrested for speeding and find themselves trapped in a judge’s theme park of deadly rides” (2/27/08)
I’d pitch it as a cross between Psycho and The Big Chill but I wouldn’t hold out much hope.

“a man in nj died from drinking jet fuel and gatorade” (2/24/08)
Plus, it doesn’t taste particularly good.

“what to do if you get scotch bonnet in your eyes?” (2/4/08)
Actually, just calmly remove them, soak them in milk overnight and scrub out the inside of the eyelids to remove remaining capsaicin.