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One Of The Key Themes Of Modern Literature, Right Next To Whales And The Bildungsroman

Scott — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:24:30 +0000

“story about a guy that crapped his pants in a restaurant” (7/6/09)

The Greatest Shart Story Ever Told is hard to beat: “With sweat pouring down his nervous face, he decided to clean up as much as possible, ditch his boxers and roll commando, and try to hide the shart stain for the remainder of the date.”

Remind Me To Hit The Long John Silver Before We Show Up For Dinner

Scott — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:37:40 +0000

“is tilapia supposed to smell fishy” (5/31/09)

No, but TILAPIA EAT POOP!

What About Me Says “Sniff Foot Party”?

Scott — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 14:42:55 +0000

“sniff foot party” (3/26/09)

Is it my Nancy Sinatra album? Is it the odor eaters in my desert boots?

What, WebMD Not Good Enough For You?

Scott — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:37:39 +0000

“what happens after a failed uterine ablation” (12/2/08)

Golly . . . I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good.

Frankly, I Don’t Believe This Exists

Scott — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:12:48 +0000

“sewage swimming sexual fetish” (10/5/08)

And, frankly, I don’t want to live in a world where this exists.

Faces Of Death: Revolutionary War Edition

Scott — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:55:28 +0000

“pic of nathanhale haged” (9/24/08)

Set aside for the moment the idea that this is gruesome; you’re Googling, so no judgements here! But considering daguerreotypes weren’t invented until the 19th century, this might be a problem.

Big Deal — I Swallow People’s Food

Scott — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:59:05 +0000

“i spit in peoples food” (8/26/08)

Nice. Assmunch.

Right Up The Ol’ Inkwell

Scott — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:22:25 +0000

“pen in ass” (6/7/08)

There are so many wonderful things human culture has given us, why stop there?

As To Whether You Should Date That Dirty Hippy In Your English 101 Class . . .

Scott — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:23:31 +0000

“bed bugs in dredlocks” (5/28/08)

. . . there’s your answer.

Yeesh . . .

Scott — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:02:27 +0000

“body set on fire found by macombs dam bridge” (5/19/08)

Thanks, Now I Will Have “Cystitis” Stuck In My Head All Day

Scott — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:36:21 +0000

“fishy urine” (5/4/08)

Ew. Double ew.

As The Great Howard Jones Once Sang, “Things Can Only Get Better”

Scott — Sat, 03 May 2008 14:14:53 +0000

“what comes out of pores when meth detox purple” (5/2/08)

Ew . . . sucks to be you . . .

Don’t Think You Can Get This By Me By Making It Sound Lacy And Victorian

Scott — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:19:20 +0000

“ladies piddling” (4/29/08)

It still is what it is!

Oh, Do The Fellas Down At Men’s Wearhouse Have Some Tales For You!

Scott — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:37:37 +0000

“crap your suit pants stories” (4/21/08)

There seems to be a fetish in there somewhere . . .

Wow, It’s Like Steam Cleaning Your Skin!

Scott — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 14:20:15 +0000

“why does black stuff come out of my pores in the sauna?” (4/8/08)

Ew . . . please . . . not here!

Someone Spent Too Much Time With Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life At A Young Age

Scott — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:40:42 +0000

“stomach rupture fetish” (3/22/08)

Nothing, nothing, nothing surprises me . . .

How Should I Know? Ask “Kristen”!

Scott — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:15:25 +0000

“elliot spitzer shirtless” (3/11/08)

Ew! Why?

Maybe You Can Also Explain Why My Fish Smells Like Dick . . . Asshat

Scott — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 16:09:44 +0000

“my dick smells fishy” (3/6/08)

Ugh. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

Can’t DARPA Somehow Create A Red-Light District For The Web?

Scott — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:04:50 +0000

“cesarean pornography galleries” (3/2/08)

Please, please tell me you’re joking . . .

The American Spit Take

Scott — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 13:22:52 +0000

“jonathan schwartz wnyc mouth sounds wet” (3/1/08)

Does it get any better? Does it? I don’t know!