Come Again?

“rocy wady rocy wady ab tumhare bina chain na ave ab tanha rha na jaye” (3/31/11)

Beyond The Fact That It Is Over 700 Miles From DC To Florida, And That Would Be A Really Long Tunnel, I Think The “WWI” Part Is What Really Makes This Request

“tunnel from washington dc to florida ww1″ (3/24/11)

That sounds so bizarre and fantastical that I want to hear more. What, pray tell, are you talking about?

One Day I’ll Figure Out What People Are Searching For

“matthew mcconaughey discipline” (3/18/11)

Just not today.

It Depends . . .

“is giving a tip to a waiter a sin” (5/28/09)

. . . when it’s “just the tip,” then yes. Otherwise, feel free to tip away.

Someone’s Trying To Figure Out Their First Dance For An Upcoming Wedding!

“we both have fucked up pasts lyrics” (4/24/09)

But unless you go for “Thong Song” most people won’t listen to the lyrics, so choose at your heart’s content.

And Here You Assumed That The Ramifications Of “Bowling Alone” Were Mitigated By Applications Like Facebook

“is it ok to have a passover seder by yourself” (4/6/09)

Yes, but how do you hide the afikomen?

(This makes me want to cry . . .)

The Most Paranoid 24 Viewer Ever

“jack bauer joins mossad” (1/28/09)

The New Depression . . .

“the upper class has become the new middle class and the middle class has become the new lower class were does the proverty come in all this?” (1/9/08)

That’s a very good question. One I can’t answer in these perilous times . . .

What’s Notable About Randy Levine’s Nose?

“randy levine nose” (1/7/09)

No really. Is Randy Levine‘s strange or something? You’re making me feel self-conscious.

You Mean, Besides The Butterball-Perdue-Foster Farms Cabal?

“why were the pilgrims unable to catch any fish?” (11/22/08)

I think they were all loaded on beer.

It’s Festival Season Again!

“crotch festival” (7/21/08)

Festival promoters note:

The Crotch Festival is a four-day, multi-stage camping festival held on a beautiful 700-acre farm in Manchester, Tennessee every June. CF 2008 brings together some of the best crotches in the country, along with dozens of crotches in complementary styles such as jazz, Americana, hip-hop, electronica, and just about any contemporary crotch you can think of. In addition to dozens of epic performances, the festival’s 100-acre entertainment village buzzes around the clock with attractions and activities including a classic arcade, on-site cinema, silent disco, comedy club, theater performers, a beer festival, and a music technology village. For its peaceful vibe, near-flawless logistics, and unrivaled entertainment options, Rolling Stone magazine named this revolutionary entertainment experience one of the 50 moments that changed the history of the country.

Traffic Backed Up On The SIE Or Something?

“staten island nasty people” (6/11/08)

“staten island douche bags” (6/11/08)

“staten island gutter cleaning” (6/11/08)

What’s going on in Staten Island?

What — You Want Backstory, Too?

“who are terry malloy’s parents?” (5/14/08)

OK, OK, here goes: Mother is a ticket agent, specializing in one-way travel Palooka-ville; father — country doctor.

Disparar El Freak . . .

“significado de shoot the freak!” (4/27/08)

¿Qué quiere decir? Es genial!

One Thing You May Or May Not Have Known Is That He Follows The Nathan’s Contest With An Impromptu Psyllium Seed Husk Showdown

“what are takeru kobayashi’s bowel movements like?” (3/25/08)

Good question! We can only speculate . . .

Is It His Relative Anonymity?

“why is george buliga so annoying?” (3/12/08)

And if I knew who that was, I might be able to help you.

Pile On, Pile On

“did eliot spizter ever wear a dress years ago” (3/11/08)

Obviously! Especially if he was bedding trannies.

Just Asking . . .

“masturbating while parked in your own car and charged for lewdness is considerd what degree of misdeameanor if found guilty” (3/11/08)

. . . just asking for a friend, that is.

Don’t Say That To The Bridge — It May Cry

“derogatory name for the williamsburg bridge” (3/8/08)

“That piece of shit old bridge”? Or maybe you were thinking of something else?

On The Existential Nature Of Close Bridges . . .

“what bridge is closest to staten island?” (3/4/08)

How close do you want to get? Maybe rephrase the question and get back to us?

And This On A Day When Michael Moore Loses Out To A Holocaust Film

“what percentage of people are fat admirers” (2/24/08)

Methodological note: This group of Americans does not overlap with Oprah fans.

Have We Really Gotten To The Point Where It Is Nearly Impossible To Google “Bull Penis” Without Attracting Unwanted Attention?

“bull penis -forum -tube -forums -blogs -india -blog -china -pakistan -singapure -ebay -amazon -sex -xxx -bse -usa -dollar -dollars” (2/23/08)

So by eliminating all the other terms, what did he finally find? (I’ve eaten bull penis once — it was horrible — though I suppose, to be fair, it could have been the preparation.)

The Latest Drug Craze: Huffing Reading Glasses

“how to get noxious smells from plastic rimmed reading glasses??” (2/19/08)

I’m sympathetic to your plight, and it’s not just the desperation of the dual question marks that makes me feel this way . . .

It’s Not Hard . . .

“how do you find the tip for a waiter?” (2/7/08)

Dig deep with those grubby little fingers in your lint-filled pocket, cheapskate.

And You’re Telling Me This Why?

“flushing tampons leak at the overflow pipe downstairs neighbor” (2/2/08)

Maybe suggest they try the DivaCup?

Bad Dog

“rhodesian ridgeback swallowed my underwear” (2/1/08)

Slightly less believable than the dog eating your homework . . .

It’s What Researchers Are Working On To Eliminate Unseemly Cat Coughs

“famous doed hairball technology slide” (2/1/08)

But really that’s just a guess . . .

I Didn’t Know Anything Was Wrong With Her . . .

“how is east williamsburg?” (1/31/08)

She’s doing very well, thank you.

And We’ll Keep Doing It Until The Deleterious Effects Of The Bush Tax Cuts Have Been Avenged

“he told me that his class voted to take a pair of shoes and a jacket from the richest kid in the class and give them to the poorest kid” (1/29/08)

It’s called “redistributing wealth.” Got a problem with that, fat cat?

Where Did He Say He Was? The International House Of Pancakes?

“what is weird sweet smell on my husband” (1/28/08)

Lady . . .