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Search Referrers of the Day

Makes Me Want To Cry A Little

“i say i’m okay but it’s all a charade” (2) (4/7/11)

And this came in not just once but twice . . . give this person a hug!

Posted: April 8th, 2011 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

For God’s Sake, Don’t Assume You Can Still Eat Any Old Thing You Forgot About For So Long In The Crisper!

“lily bulbs smell bad and are wet” (3/27/11)

Posted: March 28th, 2011 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Admit It!

“the new yankee stadium sucks” (4/15/09)

Sorry to hear that . . . and to think they haven’t even opened it yet!

Posted: April 16th, 2009 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

And Here You Assumed That The Ramifications Of “Bowling Alone” Were Mitigated By Applications Like Facebook

“is it ok to have a passover seder by yourself” (4/6/09)

Yes, but how do you hide the afikomen?

(This makes me want to cry . . .)

Posted: April 7th, 2009 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Not Sure What To Tell You, Search Engine Confessional

Before We Continue, You Should Consider That 63-Year-Old Pete Townshend Once Wrote The Line “I Hope I Die Before I Get Old”

“i hate the elderly” (1/21/09)

And in general the elderly hates impudent little snotnoses who cocoon themselves on the interweb.

Posted: January 22nd, 2009 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Advice? You’ve Come To The Right Place!

“i slept with him on the first date now what do i do?” (12/14/08)

In order of preference:

  • Surely don’t beat yourself up — giving a young man sex on the first date is a very generous thing to do, especially during the holiday season and especially during this fraught economic climate
  • Call him up — you should have done this before Sunday Night Football, but at any rate, do it today! — for a second date
  • Marry him . . . duh!
Posted: December 15th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

A Cruise On The Ferry, The Zoo, A Stroll Through The Mall And . . .

“hard to believe that there are not woman out there who would not like to spend time an afternnoon having fun sex in staten island” (12/3/08)

Yes, I agree — it’s so so hard to fathom that one . . .

Posted: December 4th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Perv!, Search Engine Confessional

A Frustration Dream Of The Highest Order

“what does it mean when i dream i was the worst waiter ever” (11/30/08)

Add to the fact that you failed as a server and you can see where in the depths of your psyche this type of frustration dream is headed.

Posted: December 1st, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

What’s The Matter With Kids These Days?

“my 5 year old got suspended for verbal harassment” (11/24/08)

Sorry to hear it — maybe there’s a problem with adults, too . . .

Posted: November 25th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Big Deal — I Swallow People’s Food

“i spit in peoples food” (8/26/08)

Nice. Assmunch.

Posted: August 27th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Ew, Search Engine Confessional

Perry Mason, Atticus Finch . . . And You Staring At A Computer

“why did i go to law school” (6/11/08)

What, you mean it wasn’t to hone your “find and replace” word processing skills for seven years until you don’t make partner?

Posted: June 12th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Crying Out In The Wilderness, Search Engine Confessional, Why Is A Crooked Letter

Yes, Yes, Come To Mommy

“i will jump in a garbage truck diapers” (4/22/08)

Hells yeah you will!

Posted: April 23rd, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Get Up, Get Out Of Your Chair And Go Meet Someone!

“i m desperate and lonely” (4/8/08)

Aw . . . boo hoo . . .

Posted: April 9th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Maybe You Can Also Explain Why My Fish Smells Like Dick . . . Asshat

“my dick smells fishy” (3/6/08)

Ugh. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

Posted: March 7th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Ew, Insert Disapproving Cluck Here, Search Engine Confessional, Too Much Information

Donovan Knows His Way Around The Internet!

“marijuana makes me sing fucked up songs” (3/3/08)

Posted: March 4th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Bake N' Google, Search Engine Confessional

The Only Golf Club In America Where They Don’t Bother Hushing Each Other

“i worked in inwood country club last year and it was horrible” (2/11/08)

I know — all day it’s planes, planes, planes.

Posted: February 13th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

And For The Record, My Name Is Not Yo

“yo i just stabbed some kid” (1/23/08)

Oh. Real nice. And then you feel the need to brag about it in front of the children . . . you’re a piece of work.

Posted: January 24th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

Google As Confession Booth

“fucked a girl name dawn from staten island” (1/15/08)

Ah, Dawn . . . I remember her fondly . . .

Posted: January 16th, 2008 | Author: Scott | Filed under: Search Engine Confessional

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