Oh, It’s There, Don’t Worry

“i’m pregnant and my cervix is not being ubiquitous enough” (9/25/12)

Say Yes To The Distress

“trenton makes bride” (3/31/12)

The City Really Needs To Crack Down On Knockoffs

“yankee vs white socks tickets” (3/7/12)

I can get you four good seats . . .

The Cockney Google

“otdogs” (2/27/12) (2)

What happens when you Google phonetically and forget your aitches . . .

Keep Your Hands Off My Panties!

“want to bunch?” (9/9/09)

Pervert . . .

Thank Goodness It Is Neither Mirage Nor Mere Myth!

“does mermaids exist?” (3/30/09)

Yes, it’s there — at 270 Lake Street in Reno. At least four Yelp users highly recommend it.

You Know What They Say About Astronomers . . .

“fuck girl in aas” (12/13/08)

Someone in the American Astronomical Society? That’s weird. But it’s your fetish — whatever.

Teh Pwned!

“vridge and tunnel” (10/15/08)

Gimme Dat Nuts 4 Nuts

“nuts 4 nut” (10/14/08)

There’s something dirty about this, though I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Furk Off, Perv!

“dog furking” (7/30/08)

If you see my dog roaming around, please, please do not try to furk him!

Renewed Interest In The Moles, Gophers, Groundhogs And Prairie Dogs Of NYC

“blank map of the burrows of new york” (5/22/08)

There are more than five, I’m guessing.

For Leading Economic Indicators, Czech Sex

“czech sex morale” (5/4/08)

If I were to guess, low in the waning days of communism, then a spike after 1989, with numbers flattening since.

It’s A Good Thing Google Automatically Fixes Terrible Spelling

“different views of stachu of liberty” (4/26/08)

And if you look closely, you can just make out her Fu Manchu moustache . . .

Yes, Grand Mal

“central park mal” (4/4/08)

Oy, all those silly roller bladers . . .

But It Killed The Other Day At The Open-Mic . . .

“palmyra flee market bombs” (3/17/08)

They did find WWII-era shells on the site of the Tacony-Palmyra Flea Market, but that doesn’t mean you have to run away . . .

Hamotzi Lechem Min Ha Subway . . .

“how many miles of subway track has new york goy” (2/1/08)

Impossible in a city with a Jewish population of 1 million . . .