Fifty Shades Of Thesaurus

“how many times is the word clamber used in fifty shades of grey” (5/4/12)

The answer is 23, and amazingly, she never once seems to use the word appropriately.

Technical Term: “Groan”

“did anastasia steele ever give a blow job before christian grey” (2) (5/3/12)

The answer is no, as per the E.L. James classic Fifty Shades Of Stupid, but if you really need the citation, see Location 3848 of 149000, where Ms. Steele refers to her “very own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.”

That’s Right, I Said “All You Can Eat Crab And Fried Chicken”

“what is bethany beach delaware known for?” (3/5/12) (8)

All-you-can-eat crab and fried chicken, of course!!!!

It’s Sort Of Like Spontaneous Applause After Landing An Airplane, Except Not

“why do people clap when someone drops a dish” (3/2/12)

Other than they’re just being dicks? I don’t know. Is there a Venn diagram with people who clap at restaurants and people who clap on airplanes whereby an intersecting group claps after a pilot loses control of the plane and they’re tumbling into the ocean?

It’s Not “Feel All Over”

“powered by article dashboard what does fao stand for in fao schwartz” (3/2/12)

“Frederick August Otto” . . . and to anticipate your next question, yes, it seems he was Jewish.

What’s A Hizzoner?

“why do they call mayor bloomberg’s hizzoner?” (7/14/11)

Just say it. Keep sounding it out. Got it? But just so you know, it’s not just Bloomberg . . .

And That Doesn’t Even Come With Cliff Lee

“beer price yankee stadium” (4/4/11)

“cost of beer yankee stadium” (4/4/11)

“price of beer at yankees stadium” (4/4/11)

“what is the cost of a beer at yankee stadium” (4/4/11)

“premium beer yankee stadium” (4/4/11)

According to various reports, it’s now up to $11.

It Might Not Be What You Were Thinking But The Prices Can’t Be Beat

“best place to have have drinks with a view of the statue of liberty” (4/3/11)

Easy: The Staten Island Ferry! Hook yourself up with a Budweiser tall boy and take in the view . . .

He’ll Give Those With Him 666

“what street is satan’s laundromat on in the bronx?” (4/1/11)

Also the name of a photoblog (do “photoblogs” still exist?), I think you’re thinking of the laundromat that is in Brooklyn, at 666 Fulton Street.

I Actually Had To Look This Up Anyway, So It’s No Skin Off My Back

“how big i the bronx” (4/1/11)

The figure of New York City’s total square miles was revised in 2008 and current statistics show The Bronx having 20,876 acres (.pdf), or 32.61875 square miles. That doesn’t include bodies of water, which would bring the total up to 44 square miles.

And Now The Fifth Freedom Will Be Freedom From Ever Having A Question Gone Unanswered

“what is going on on roosevelt island south” (3/31/11)

They’re building a park there.

Grammar Advice

“is east spelled with capital e” (3/29/11)

In the future, I suggest searching for something like this instead: “capitalizing east.”

To answer your question, some make a distinction (see here or here, as well) between “East” as a place — as in “I spent time with my relatives back East” — and “east” as a direction — as in “I walked a few blocks east of the park.”

If you have a Chicago Manual — or if you have access to one, the citation for capitalizing geographical terms like compass points is 8.45–46.

I Would Wait Until The 29th Of August, When The Open Actually Begins

“when arrive night session us open” (3/28/11)

If you need me to be more specific, any time before 7 p.m. is good — the seats are all reserved.

Vinko Bogataj Still Rues The Day He Put This Image Into Your Consciousness

“who once said the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat?” (3/22/11)

That would be longtime ABC announcer Jim McKay.

Must Be St. Patrick’s Day Again

“what kind alcohol make you sexy” (3/16/11)

I dare say that most any alcohol will make you sexy . . . sexy enough.

Welcome To Manhattan, Y’all!

“how many subway lines are at the union square 14th street station in manhattan” (11/30/09)

“how far is it to walk from 32nd street to 56th street in nyc” (11/30/09)

“can i walk across williamsburg bridge?” (11/30/09)

“is it illegal to jump off of the george washington bridge?” (11/30/09)

First off, eight subway lines converge at Union Square, the L, N, Q, R, W, 4, 5, and 6 — though when you’re in Manhattan in may be more helpful to think of them as three lines — one down 14th Street (L), one down Lexington (4, 5, 6) and one down Broadway (N, Q, R, W)

Second, I feel like we’ve answered this before but in case we haven’t, you can Wikipedia that there are 20 Manhattan blocks in a mile, so 24 blocks would be . . . [scribbling on back of napkin] . . . 1.2 miles.

Third, of course you can walk across the Williamsburg Bridge! Here’s how.

Fourth, are you crazy? Interestingly, at one point it was unclear that it was actually illegal, a point brought up by the BASE jumper Jeb Corliss, who got in trouble for jumping from the Empire State Building in 2006. The City Council tried to remedy this after two building-climbing stunts in 2008 and finally did it in September 2008 (Int 0721-2008, if the link doesn’t work). So yes, it’s illegal to jump off of the George Washington Bridge — though if you’re on the New Jersey side, who knows?

“As Long As You Don’t Charge For It”

“is it legal to swipe in a friend after waiting 18 minutes unlimited metrocard” (6/9/09)

Yes! This is important to understand, and was explained in a recent Times article:

Selling a swipe on a MetroCard is illegal and can get you arrested. Bending a MetroCard’s magnetic strip to fool the turnstile into letting you through is also a form of theft.

But letting a friend or a relative use your unlimited-ride MetroCard when you are not using it is perfectly legal, as long as you don’t charge for it, said Paul J. Fleuranges, an authority spokesman. (The card allows only one entry every 18 minutes.)

Mr. Fleuranges said it is also legal to help out a stranger who asks you, as a favor, to swipe him through a turnstile free as you are leaving a subway station — although it certainly deprives New York City Transit of a fare.

Here’s A Hint: It’s Not What Orlando’s Dwight Howard Had In The Magic’s Deciding Game 6 Win Over Cleveland

“your friend asks the waiter for a double double you are confused but the waiter knows what your friend wants what is a double double?” (6/1/09)

Were you by any chance dining at an In-N-Out?

The Other Brined Meat

“is corn beef pork” (4/22/09)

Because the Google is a safe environment in which there are no stupid questions, I will tell you — with neither snark nor scorn — that, no, corned beef is not pork. It is beef, specifically brisket.

Which Also Is To Say, If You Stacked 819581.13973206487416186291503742 Empire State Buildings End To End, You Would Reach The Moon

“empire state building height in mm and in yards” (4/21/09)

Something tells me this will either be A) good to know, for some reason or B) helpful for lazy math students. So here goes.

According to Wikipedia, the Empire State Building is 1453 feet and 8 9/16 inches tall. 1453 feet is 442,874.4 millimeters and 8.5625 inches is 217.487 millimeters, so we’re talking [quick calculation] 443091.887 millimeters.

1453.53515625 feet divided by three equals 484.51171875 yards or 4 (4.03759765625, to be exact) football fields, including end zones.

Things We’ve Got To Work Out In Advance Of The Three-Day Weekend

“what rule of thumb do liquor stores use to judge if a person is pld enough to buy liquor before request to see identification” (1/15/09)

First check the Adam’s apple. If you’re still unable to determine, look at the hands — hands will give it away every time.

And Sylvia Plath’s “Daddy” Is Not About Marlin Perkins Either

“is trilby glover the daughter of crispin glover” (1/7/09)

I don’t think Trilby Glover is Crispin Glover‘s daughter (he’s only 44). But you might want to ask Crispin’s cousin Danny about it though . . .

Search Referrer Jeopardy

named for its yipping sound what member of the squirrel family lives in underground networks of tunnels called towns? (12/21/08)

What is the prairie dog. I’ll stick with “Squirrel-Like Rodents” for $400, Alex . . .

OK, OK — Don’t Rush Me!

“the 3 main bridges of new york!!!!!!!!” (12/15/08)

Picking just three “main” bridges is difficult in a city with so many bridges — over 2,000 total, 76 over water, more than 1,000 on land, blah, blah, blah — but maybe you’re thinking of the Manhattan, Brooklyn and Williamsburg Bridges?

I’m Still At A Loss To Figure Out Why Spinach Jerky Never Caught On

“how to cook spinach and it not be watery” (11/22/08)

Try the barbecue?

The Burning Questions

“what bus goes to sizzler on forest hills” (11/22/08)

The Q54 from either Williamsburg, Brooklyn or Jamaica, Queens or the Q23 that runs straight to East Elmhurst, right by LaGuardia (convenient!).

I Have An Idea To Pitch!!

“is arthur miller still alive??” (10/5/08)

No, you’re about three-and-a-half years too late!!

“Waiter, The Bill” . . .

“how to ask in english to the waiter for the bill” (9/22/08)

But really, the big question is how do I ask in Euro-whatever-you-speak if you understand the tipping customs here?

What’s Goot Got To Do With It?

“a black singer who goot eat from her husband and left him and kept his last name” (8/21/08)

No, not Goot! I knew he was getting too big for his britches . . .

18 To Enter, 21 To Drink

“how old do you have to be to get into the bridge and tunnel club?” (8/4/08)

We’re an all-ages venue, silly!