A Twist On The Usual “Spit On Your Food” Search . . .

“texans spit on your food” (3/27/11)

Merely anecdotal or is this a larger cultural thing?

For God’s Sake, Don’t Assume You Can Still Eat Any Old Thing You Forgot About For So Long In The Crisper!

“lily bulbs smell bad and are wet” (3/27/11)

Exactly! The Long Lines, The Fact That It’s On An Island . . . And What’s With The Color? Can’t Someone Polish The Damn Thing?

“what is good about the statue of liberty” (3/27/11)

Is This Something We Need To Confront Benny Andersson About?

“supertroopers spit in my food” (3/26/11)

Even If I Knew I Probably Still Wouldn’t Tell You

“how can i get address for sex club in brooklyn” (3/25/11)

Beyond The Fact That It Is Over 700 Miles From DC To Florida, And That Would Be A Really Long Tunnel, I Think The “WWI” Part Is What Really Makes This Request

“tunnel from washington dc to florida ww1″ (3/24/11)

That sounds so bizarre and fantastical that I want to hear more. What, pray tell, are you talking about?

Is That A Threat Or A Report?

“bed bugs butler library” (3/23/11)

Ah, I see — a report.

Perhaps You’re Referring To The Unreleased Bob Dylan Album In Which The Troubadour Collaborates With Modern Pakstani Music Hero Ahmed Rushdi

“pakistan skyline” (3/23/11)

Vinko Bogataj Still Rues The Day He Put This Image Into Your Consciousness

“who once said the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat?” (3/22/11)

That would be longtime ABC announcer Jim McKay.

Sounds About As Riveting As The War And Peace Audiobook I Still Have Yet To Upload

“power broker robert moses robert caro audiobook” (3/21/11)

Wait, This Exists?

“hung well hangover clinic” (3/20/11)

What I wouldn’t give some mornings for such a place!

One Day I’ll Figure Out What People Are Searching For

“matthew mcconaughey discipline” (3/18/11)

Just not today.

Well When You Put It That Way . . .

“i want really sexy which alcohal is very good” (3/17/11)

I thought we addressed this already . . . in fact, we did address this already! Only yesterday!

Must Be St. Patrick’s Day Again

“what kind alcohol make you sexy” (3/16/11)

I dare say that most any alcohol will make you sexy . . . sexy enough.

Best Case, You’re On Acid

“masturbating forest” (3/12/11)

But honestly, I don’t want to think about the worst case . . .

Why Is It That No One Ever Conceives Of Manhattan As Hopelessly Isolated?

“is queens bridge and tunnel” (3/12/11)

Unless You’re Feeling Like Jesus, Try One Of The Pedestrian Paths Of The East River Bridges

“how can i walk to manhattan from queens” (3/12/11)

I Didn’t, And I Won’t

“don’t ask me what it’s at the bottom of” (3/11/11)

If you were curious, if you Google this query, we are number four behind these topics:

• Should I Ask My Mom To Spank Me Bare Bottom If I Am Bad?
• Ragan Fox: America’s Next Top Bottom
• Wristwatch on bottom of wrist? [Archive] – Straight Dope Message Board

Search Referrers Goes Multilingual

“donde estan los graffitis en ny?” (3/10/11)

OK, plugging in “donde estan los graffitis en ny?” to Google Translate: Ah, I see — “where are the graffiti in ny?” Ask Councilmember Vallone.

The Power Of Google

“a articil about nathan hale wene he was hong” (1/26/10)

I’m pretty sure that person means “an article about nathan hale when he was hung” . . . somehow the search result gave him something approximating what he was asking for. Advantage: internets!

Welcome To Manhattan, Y’all!

“how many subway lines are at the union square 14th street station in manhattan” (11/30/09)

“how far is it to walk from 32nd street to 56th street in nyc” (11/30/09)

“can i walk across williamsburg bridge?” (11/30/09)

“is it illegal to jump off of the george washington bridge?” (11/30/09)

First off, eight subway lines converge at Union Square, the L, N, Q, R, W, 4, 5, and 6 — though when you’re in Manhattan in may be more helpful to think of them as three lines — one down 14th Street (L), one down Lexington (4, 5, 6) and one down Broadway (N, Q, R, W)

Second, I feel like we’ve answered this before but in case we haven’t, you can Wikipedia that there are 20 Manhattan blocks in a mile, so 24 blocks would be . . . [scribbling on back of napkin] . . . 1.2 miles.

Third, of course you can walk across the Williamsburg Bridge! Here’s how.

Fourth, are you crazy? Interestingly, at one point it was unclear that it was actually illegal, a point brought up by the BASE jumper Jeb Corliss, who got in trouble for jumping from the Empire State Building in 2006. The City Council tried to remedy this after two building-climbing stunts in 2008 and finally did it in September 2008 (Int 0721-2008, if the link doesn’t work). So yes, it’s illegal to jump off of the George Washington Bridge — though if you’re on the New Jersey side, who knows?

The Sad Thing About Youth Is . . .

“22 year old firefighter michael biserta of brooklyn’s” (11/30/09)

Oh, what we pine for . . . you know he’s 25 now, right?

The Big Questions

“what are the great creation of god?” (11/23/09)

The Grand Canyon, Spanks and all-beef hot dogs — take your pick.

There Are No Stupid Questions, Only Easy Answers

“how to get from lga to queens” (11/19/09)

“why do they call the thrigs neck bridge the thrigs” (11/19/09)

Since LaGuardia Airport is already in Queens, and since they call the Throgs Neck Bridge the Throgs Neck Bridge . . . but to answer your question, it looks like somebody along the way had a lisp.

James Falkenrath Still Wants To Know . . .

“why are these companies sending ammonium nitrate to brooklyn?” (11/17/09)

Hmm . . . good question! Here’s your answer.

Does The Italian Mafia Still Even Exist?

“brooklyn queens expressway always under construction highway because of italian mafia has contract” (11/17/09)

Interesting theory, but I think it’s taking so long because it’s just a big project . . .

Keep Your Hands Off My Panties!

“want to bunch?” (9/9/09)

Pervert . . .

One Of The Key Themes Of Modern Literature, Right Next To Whales And The Bildungsroman

“story about a guy that crapped his pants in a restaurant” (7/6/09)

The Greatest Shart Story Ever Told is hard to beat: “With sweat pouring down his nervous face, he decided to clean up as much as possible, ditch his boxers and roll commando, and try to hide the shart stain for the remainder of the date.”

“As Long As You Don’t Charge For It”

“is it legal to swipe in a friend after waiting 18 minutes unlimited metrocard” (6/9/09)

Yes! This is important to understand, and was explained in a recent Times article:

Selling a swipe on a MetroCard is illegal and can get you arrested. Bending a MetroCard’s magnetic strip to fool the turnstile into letting you through is also a form of theft.

But letting a friend or a relative use your unlimited-ride MetroCard when you are not using it is perfectly legal, as long as you don’t charge for it, said Paul J. Fleuranges, an authority spokesman. (The card allows only one entry every 18 minutes.)

Mr. Fleuranges said it is also legal to help out a stranger who asks you, as a favor, to swipe him through a turnstile free as you are leaving a subway station — although it certainly deprives New York City Transit of a fare.

For Taslima, Whenever I May Find Her

“sexy bangladeshi girl in astoria queens new york” (3; 6/3/09)
“bangladeshi sexy girl in astoria queens new york” (6/3/09)

I’m sure she’s out there, my friend . . .